VIOLENCE against Women!!!

[enjoyliving82 (deleted)]

Hello
I want to start a new topic.This topic is very important to talk about.
I would like to talk about violence against women..no matter what kind of nation.Violence against women...by their boyfriends,their husbands,or strange people.Violence under alcohol influence..drug influence...psychological violence.I want to talk open and honest about this topic.We have much more violence against women as we ever had before.
I was grown up for more then 15 years in a family where violence..especially under alcohol influence was daily.I had to watch my mom beat up by my stepfather...police....alcohol..helpless feeling..fear..that it was a child has to go through.But how is the woman feeling...to be beat up by a guy she love? How is a guy feeling...to use the weakness of a woman? That isnt a topic to be silent about...or not to be heard.We have to get louder...and to fight against it.No man has the right to do it to a woman!!!!!
I would like you to talk about it here...about your experiences..opinions...no matter if your a man or a woman.

This video was made by native american guys...I would like to show it to you..take the time to listen to it.I really respect them for such a great work.

(removed)

It doesn't matter where we are from ....which nation we belongs to,violence against women is all around the world.
For me it's important to talk about women rights.
We don't need to look away if violence against women happens...it's maybe your neighbour which is suffering...your daughter...your cousine....maybe you.There is always help.

[soyala]

Violence is happened every single Day all over the World. Violence against Womans, against Childrens, against Animals and the Nature. Against Mens too for sure!

Some People say, only white Mens beat the Womans up. But that is stupid to believe.

You have just to look at the turkish Culture. Where traditions are far away from religion and believings. Or at the far east. Especially India. Where the Womans get burned cause there Husbands wanna get away from them. Or Africa, wich is a danger and hard Place for Womans too.

Not many People have the courage and the brave to fight against Violence in every Kind of art.

[carolineishot (deleted)]

`I wish I could watch the video, but my computer doesn't have sound.

It makes me sad to see and hear about how badly women are being treated by the men in their lives. I see men who beat women as cowards and losers, no light in their souls. I wish there was a way people could be educated on this topic, but because we live in such a male-dominated world, this is a hard goal to achieve. :(

[starwhiteeagle (deleted)]

`Dear Enjoyliving, thank you so much for posting this and having the courage to bring the experience you've had into words. This is indeed a very difficult and important topic. I made my own experiences with that too, in my childhood, in relationships and today I hear it from people in my work who open up to me. The video on youtube touched me especially at the part where he mentions this words "please stop, Im your wife, Im your sister, your daughter, your supposed to protect me, your supposed to be a warrior, protect me from you". After many time past by and this I found the courage I said these words very scared and with a low voice afraid of more beats to my father. He didnt stop. Yes women, stand up for yourself, talk with somebody, get help and out of this cycle.
There are man too which got beaten and abused, but especially women. Women who are so open in their heart, always seeing the good in a man by nature. Its even easy to get addicted to this person who treats you so awful by being blinded and full of fear, wanting to believe that he is going to change, because he promised.
The most worse ones are those who talk a lot about how important it is to treat a woman with respect and to honor her and then they beat her up emotionally or physically.
Creators blessings and a loving prayer to all women, men and children in these situations out there

[jacobi]

`Yes,


Thank you for bringing this up. For years, I too was a victim of abuse. Not only from my mothers abusive boyfriends but from my own later in life. My grandmother took me away from my mother and her wayward ways and I am thankful for that. She was weak, and I don't hate her for it, but she allowed a stranger, someone I didn't trust or know to come into the home I saw as my shelter and hurt me. It still bothers me today, and while I don't fear people like I once did, the thought never goes away.

Whatever ailment or weakeness they have I pray for them, for certainly deep down I know many regret it, whether it was alcohol induced or not, it is no excuse. Being born into an abusive home, I realize now that it stops with me, not with anyone else. As a woman, I had to stand up for myself instead of acting like a meek submissive housewife. I am a proud creature, free spirited, and very loving. I was so quick to forgive and forget that I forgot myself. His love was not worth the bruises, the broken wrist and ribs, the fall down the stairs. But I was afraid of being alone, so I endured. Eventually, it was a friend that helped me. She saw the busted lips and bruised cheeks and told me to stand up for myself. She actually made me pretty angry lol. Calling me a coward and all sorts of other things that got under my skin until I got mad.

But she was right, so I stood up for myself. I told him, you put your hands on me, and I will call the police. Now, it was stupid because then I really did get the beating of a life time, but when he left for work. I left for the police station. I'd grown the courage to tell someone other than my best friend. Someone who could help me. In the end I am a stronger person for it, sure I have my own insecurities and fears from the past. I simply try to look beyond the irrationalities and think before acting or speaking. I hope this helps you wonderful ladies and gentlemen out there. Many blessings to you all.

[2sweet2b4got10]

`THANK YOU

[hades8 (deleted)]

`I am currently (after being separated for quite a while) divorcing an abusive man. I don't want to get too into the specific situation because it is personal but i will say its a helpless feeling, especially from a woman who has always been strong. The thing is, when you are in it, it is SO hard to see clearly. And when you do see it, you rationalize it because that's someone you loved and trusted. I just kept saying "i know better than to put uo w this". Once you get yourself out of the situation, its amazing what you start to see. There was one episode of physical abuse but it is soooo inportant to bring emotional abuse to light. Its sometimes worse. Physical wounds *usually* heal but the emotional effects of physical/emotional abuse stick w you. The funny thing is that now i can actually pick out other men w control issues so easily. I guess thats one good thing the experience brought to me. Thank you for bringing this topic to light. I would like to use my experience to keep others from living w abuse. I was lucky enough to have a close and wonderful family to get me through. Some ppl dont have that.

[yellowhawk (deleted)]

`nobody has the right to hurt someone else its not love that does that just sayin

[JEDIVIKING (deleted)]

`A topic that so many people talk about, but yet the laws don't change - not enough, anyway. I'm currently stuck in the UK due to marrying a controlling, abusive man. Because I was never hit physically, it's hard to find people who actually believe I was abused at all. UK family law has prevented me from returning home for many years now (I left the man in 2004.) Emotional abuse is illegal, but in reality, it's only given "lip service" and even quite severe abuses are ignored by the system. Unfortunately, I know that the UK is not alone in this.

Emotional abuse is the worst sort, really, because so often the victim puts up with it longer. (I put up with it for about 10 years in all...) It's easier, somehow, to make the victim think they've "deserved" it. And stupidly, even years after leaving, it still seems to impact future relationships. I wish there was more support out there to help truly get over it.

[mystic888 (deleted)]

`Thats why is just great to be independent ....
Have your own resources and always count on yourself...
If relationship is difficult and miserable there is no reason to continue ...simple as that ....

[alvie (deleted)]

`Sound just as simple, i must admit: 'If a relationship is miserable there is no reason to continue.' - You are right indeed. But it gets way more difficult when you fall for someone that uses the given key to your heart for the power over you. By mental a/o physical abuse dumping his own fears into your heart and creating a 'make-believe' that you can't live without him.
Lowering your life till you 'know' you are nothing, at least the feeling is like that. In other words: fear and acceptance for and of his power can lead to selfdenial as an individual and can make you think you are nothing without his (not that rarely experienced as rightfull) oppression.
In again other words: you may become his slave. And it depends on someone's personality how far he can go - Is he able enough to become your only reality? Or.....will you once find the strength and courage to stand up (against him / for yourself) and face this reality, lying wounded in the cellars of the deeper 'self'? Your own reality that became a threat you fear with him around?
It's just one view, one side. And i'm convinced my opinion is also way too simple as an explanation. 'cause what must it bé like, coming home and your husband's waiting for you with a belt in his hands? He is frustrated and he's not able to deal with it - too complex, and now he wants to rage his anger out on you. You are his reasons and cannot live without you, you are his reasons, áll his reasons, also the reason for his pains and fear.

Circumstances like this must be like hell: in fear for every single day, the pressure in fear for every single step you make, losing grip on what's good or right, losing (grip on) yourself.....and the worst of all, if there are children involved, is the fear for the safety of thém. Maybe he doesn't touch them at all, but the fear is there.................And thát can be an excuse too: no need to leave him as long he doesn't hurt your children.

I don't want to pretend as if i know, 'cause i don't. What i dó know is that lots of women infact are mentally stronger than they like to think.
Face it, face yourself, and do not only see but acknówledge you're a woman that deserves a life in freedom, that you háve the strength to let go and open eyes wide (enough) to see you are worth fighting for.
The idea might feel threatening to do it all alone/by your own. But you know, once you find this courage and start building upon it, Life will reward you and open new doors for new chances and possibilities.
Because thát is something i dó know: Life is gratefull to those who (are willing to) fight for her.

[annlisbeth (deleted)]

`Alvie, there is a lot of truth in what you write. I know, because I have been through this myself. Luckily, I found the strength to get out of it after a year. But it does indeed affect you mentally for a long time afterwards. I became very wary of men and did not trust men for many years. I cannot imagine what it must be like for women who have been subject to such abuse for a longer period of time.

[alvie (deleted)]

`Looking at your photo's it looks like that leaving your partner (back then) is one of the best decisions you have ever made. And i don't think you were just Lucky in finding the strength to make that choice for your own life. Whatever he has done to you, he could not take your selfrespect a/o your love for Life (to me, these two cannot sustain without eachother).
It's anyway great seeïng you doing well.

[annlisbeth (deleted)]

`Thank you, Alvie.

And to Jediviking – ”Emotional abuse is the worst sort, really”. I believe you. I remember that the physical violence was bad, of course, but fearing it was actually the worst part of it. And I also believe that you are right that getting any kind of help is difficult, especially if there is no physical evidence. I never even tried. I started studying psychoanalytic dream interpretation and used dream therapy on myself which, in fact, helped me a great deal. But you have to acquire a great deal of knowledge about this in order to use it.

And to all the people who do not understand why women don’t just leave when a guy starts getting abusive: I can easily understand why it is so difficult to understand. I think that if I had not been in this situation myself, I would have said the same thing: “Why don’t you just leave?” Alvie explained very well a large part of the reason. And there are a lot of other factors involved as well.
You have your feelings and emotions and you have your brain and common sense. The thing is that feelings take a lot longer to change than it takes to realize in your mind that you ought to discontinue this relationship. So whether you choose to follow your feelings or your brain depends on what type of person you are. I think a lot of women – including me – are more guided by their feelings than by their brain. The relationship started off very romantically the first couple of months with no violence involved and I really fell in love with the guy (and I suspect that this may be typical of many of these relationships). It took a year for me – and I think for many people it may take a lot longer – to break down deep love into the stages of surprise, sadness, frustration, fear, despair, disgust, and finally anger and hatred. And only when I reached that last stage did I get the willpower, the courage and the strength to seriously do something about it. I had tried many times before but with no luck. And then there is all the fear. You just don’t go up to the guy and tell him right in his face that you want to leave him. There is a good chance that he will beat you up. I had to literally make a plan of escape, to work out a strategy in order to get out of it safely. I was lucky to have friends and family to support me. Some women may not be that lucky, and then it will be even more difficult and may seem impossible and downright dangerous (you actually fear for your life). And even if they have somebody to talk to, it may still be difficult because you feel ashamed and embarrassed that you ended up in this situation. Also the time after the “escape” is a time filled with fear, fear that he will return or that you will meet him somewhere.
And add to this all the practical things. We shared an apartment, or rather it was my apartment and he had moved in with me. But I could not throw him out because he was registered at my address. I had to get his acceptance and a new address for him. Otherwise the authorities would not delete him from my address, and legally I could not throw him out. And there can be many more things involved – not to mention children (I did not have any).

So really, no – it is not that simple.

[papago3 (deleted)]

`My father was an abuser and I am sorry to all who have suffered this. I am the polar opposite of my father and his ways...I am single now but have learned from my father's bad ways.